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Barrett Stanley was born in an unspecified locale in the Southeastern United States sometime between 1965 and 1980. He still resides in the South, having made a home with his wife, artist Joanna Blitch. His red beard makes him easy to spot in a crowded concert hall or police line-up. In addition to mild hypochondria he exhibits a tendency toward social phobias and in general will not answer the door or telephone unless he is expecting someone. He is inexplicably obsessed with the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew. He enjoys music and will attempt to play any instrument set before him. He has been known to put on a bear costume and frighten the neighborhood children on Halloween.



Vital Stats:

  • Height: 5'8
  • Hair: red
  • First word: "turtle"
  • Olympic event: javelin
  • Diet: chocolate, sour cream, tortilla chips, textured vegetable protein, peanut butter, linguine, cheese, doughnuts
  • Most dangerous when: sleep deprived
  • Runs from: clowns